This is a *verbatim* copy of the letter to my friend named Neethu (She 's my,, not exactly but a childhood friend) By natures design,, or simply destiny,, she fell in love with someone,, an' obvious we are no longer as close as we used to be,, I authentically dunno what exactly made me write these two letters, but it certainly must have been painful...
Gmail did not have the date of the second letter (the recent one, at the top here) and the subject read:
A letter to Neethu!!! "A part of my experiments with emotions."
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Hi Neethu,
Its not long since we spoke, but I don think I should really care about the timelines of our communication to post a mail to you.
I saw a movie "Finding Neverland", it was a wonderful play and I wish you should also watch that movie. Thats just a sentimental act, you might like it as I did.
Movies like this makes me think of my past, the family I've been brought up, with no sentiments, no affection, no care, no relationship, no celebrations, nothing of that sort. A moment to cherish, to think of, to boast about, hu hu. All I could remember is loads of the so called family problems, a vast array of them, which i couldn't explain, and which could not be explained.
And finally the truth...
A journey into my own self reveals why, why? I'm like me. I'm scared about my future Neethu. Having seen all this in life, I actually dunno, whether this will continue, in my life to come too... I dunno whether my Angel would give such care, an attachment, an' be a real angel. As I've built up so much hope an' expectations upon her, I wonder whether anyone could really live up to the mark, to make it real.
I've always wanted my life to resemble a Play or a Movie. Short-lived, memorable, full of joy and of course like a fairy tale. But the truth is Movies are Movies and even a thought about living life like a movie is ridiculous.
Maybe I should stop imagining things of that sort an' get ready for something more real.
"This will not be posted"
Sowdri.
On Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 6:06 PM, Nisha Sowdri wrote:
Hi Neethu,
I dunno why, i felt like sending this to you. Nothing serious about it, some thoughts to ponder.
There were times when you have given me so much happiness, and times you have made me feel sad too. I this letter i wish to share with you somethings which i have not shared with you so far. Jus a sample. There are so many other things which I would never tell you anyways. This letter is not gonna change anything, but could give you some insight about our relationship from my perspective.
Lemme first tell you about the times when you made me feel sad.
Once I was telling you about what makes my Angel, Angel. An' your response was such that I was a lunatic blabbering about something useless. But that made me sad. I will tell you something Neethu, I 'm a "sentimental Idiot". For me life is different from most ppl. around me, I have my own definitions of everything starting from Lies to Living. When I tell ppl. I'm gonna resign my job, gonna be someone in CBE, they think I'm mad. Money has failed to gemme happiness, though I know a little is essential for a living at least. I'm telling this to you b'coz now you told me not to take what ever you tell me seriously, Ok then how am I to take your replies??
There is one other time, you made me feel bad. I was telling you about the features of a human Face, I don't remember about who's. Then I told you to look at the way the teeth in Ronaldino's face has been drawn. But the way you responded, that wasnt what i expected. I did not expect you to praise me, but I certainly do not expect a criticism either. Do you know I have drawn fewer then 6 to 7 portraits an' now they are with ppl. whom I thought would love it. Even now I think you are one of my much cherished ppl., maybe the better of them all. But I wanna let your self know I am not so good at deciphering what you actually mean. So try to respond emphatically to anyone whom you talk to.
If possible send me a pic. of the portrait. It was the last of my portraits since then, an' i wish to look at it once.
I live by thinking about the past and those are the things which make me so happy and so sad too. I guess you know about my sad part, though i haven't shared with you my entire story. The memories once created never fade, i know its true with almost all of us. But I used to think of them a lot. In my recent visit to chennai, when I walked in the corridors of Bala's house I remembered we both getting out of the auto about half past one at night. How am i to forget it???
[Track: Bombay theme music]
(About the track, when ever i write my diary i used to have similar entries about the song which was playing while I was writing, an' used to note it whenever it changes, that habit, I personally thought the current track reflected my mood :D)
I felt the mercilessness of time, it has become 3 months since. But i was so happy for having spent that night with you.
Later when i got into his house i had a vivid imagination, which even now i have as i compose this letter, you sitting in the hall, in the morning as we had coffee, an' as small chit-chat. These are something which keeps me going. So many of them. I still remember
[Track: Kadhal rojavae]
we were traveling together to Mahabalipuram. I was as the helm of joy, coz i wanted to travel atleast three hours, an' wasn't very much interested in some park, as i m fond of traveling, then being in some place roming around. I have always had a feeling that traveling is only thing which could keep ppl. close enough, for a long time, then anything else.
Thanks for being with me. For bringing into my life an episode, which is so so so good, filled with happiness. Do you know my aim of living is to make myself into a book, which has so many such episodes.
[Track: Newyork nagaram]
The night you went to pilani, an' you called me after a long time you reached there, i was mad whether you reached safely. An' was scanning through orkut profiles of your friends to find a number to call you to make sure, that you reached safe.
I have had so many ppl in my life, some ppl. real sensitive and charming, whom i have missed forever without a word then. You are one of them. The last but not the least.
Daniel! we fail to accept the truth, most of the times.
This is real. You are to leave me someday. That is true. We were only friends, that s true.
Now you are gone.
[Track: or' vennilae Movie: Kadhal Desam]
But you are into a relation in which you have something to look forward to. I'm happy it happened. Sometimes I feel that i m the one who made you take this decision. Have fun. Be emotional, be human, be a girl, at least to him. Make him happy. "Small boy"
I go nuts at times, you have been with me for so long, an' you should have figured it by now, that this letter is the outcome of one such time. Ha ha. "Empty cup."
I could give you one worthy advice, "Trivial things are the ones which brings most happiness."
Trivial,
Sowdri.
